Just wanna touch the sky

  We all know that our needs are few but our wants are unlimited. If you will go through Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, you will find that when we reach the self actualization stage that is the end of our wants but in my view point I think only one person in a millon would reach that stage and even he reaches that stage there's always tendency of wanting more. I don't know where I stand at that hierarchy. guess I might be in the lowest stage Coz whenever I see any new and my type dress in Shahil Da's shop ( A garment shop owner from whom most of the time I purchase cloths in credit and pay him back later) I just wanna have that with me. Still I gotta pay him Rs 1500 for the t-shirts and jeans which I bought from him IN CREDIT ...:))
           I hate my stupid and weird dreams but I guess these are very helpful in keep me going that's why I never stop dreaming. It feels so amazing to live with these dreams and I only hope for a better future ..Although I haven't seen any better yet ;)

       I can't tell you what I dream of coz some of my dreams are most common.... A Brand new car, apartment in posh area, pretty looking Girlfriend..etc etc.....
       Yes I use to dream but I hate to  dream all the time. I know whenever I am busy in dreaming I am missing out the opportunity out there. I am a day dreamer and observer of things. I observe everything which is happening around me and try to draw conclusions from them.
        Some of my dreams are like touching the sky, so if my dreams come true it will be like touching the sky for me. Being optimistic I think I am close to achieve my dreams.
      Till now I have dreamed of many things some are realistic but some are really weird and unreal. Now slowly realizing that really coming true of my dreams is like touching the sky and hard as hell. I know what my dream is what I want to achieve in my life but I don't know the way of achieving it. I don't exactly know whether I'm gonna get it or not.
         But I know exactly whenever I will get an opportunity I'm not gonna let it slip I will grab it hard.
  Might be someday I will be touching the sky.... :)

KICK THE ASS OF CORRUPTION

     I know, you've never expected this kinda serious shit from me but this is the main problem around us and it's also affecting our day-to day lives that's why I can't resist myself for writing this post over (or against) corruption.
         Corruption in India is like a spoilt onion, you peel the topmost layer, thinking you've got rid of it, to find the innermost layer of it, you peel to find yet another layer and so on, and peeling every layer makes the peeler(the common man), shed tears. I KNOW THIS IS DAMN IRRITATING TO US ALL.:(

     India has been considered 'THE LAND OF SCAMS'. The news reports have been bombarded with a series of major scams which has recently happened in our country. CWG scam, 2G-spectrum scam, Satyam scam....... and the list is never ending. This shit was started by rich persons but the poor person tend to suffer from this..... Where is the god??? why is he sleeping??
     Now those persons who thinks there exist something named as god now it's time to refresh your mind, scan this virus from your mind and stop giving charity to any religious institutions. Instead, collect all this money which hitherto you were spending over religious matters and put toghether this money for fighting against corruption. This way you're going to improve this country and make it worth living.

       For fighting corruption we should adopt Bottom-Up approach instead of Top-Down approach. We should fight this from our city level. I know my whole country is suffering from this disease and my own city Almora is no exception. Everything which is connected to government department is corrupted. If you want to get a Hill-certificate to apply for any job, you have to pay some extra money on Tehsils or Kechehri(court) to get it. You have to pay a shitload of money to get a driving license even though you don't know how to ride, you just have to spend Rs 1200 to get your license. I think India is the only country where you can get driving license without even knowing how to ride. If there are other countries like our INCREDIBLE INDIA let me know. :D
            This is making me sing one song from a bollywood film ....it happens only in India
          But the main question is who should be blamed for this??? the corrupted politicians, government bureaucrats or general public??   I think everyone is culprit in this.
    We the people of INCREDIBLE INDIA deserve this. It's only our fault despite of those scams, the people of India always chose corrupted as their leaders.

   But it's time to wake up, especially this appeal is for Indian youths......put your condom on and f**k this corruption.. sorry for using this nasty language. I am on high and I can't help it.  If you have guns load your magazine of gun and shoot the butt of all those corrupted ones.
         If you can't do this then just legalize this corrution, make it legal.

My ambivalent attitude towards smoking

when there's no one with me .. you're the only one who always stand by my side

           Cigarettes has been paramount to my life since I stole one from the packet of my friend's father  and that freind insisted me to do so and called it as a COOL habit. He might have known of the fact that I can do anything to be COOL. For peoples, who think starting cigarettes is an easy task I wanna let you know that YOU ARE WRONG. It's just like eating those things (which some health-conscious people do)  which you don't like but just for the sake of health and like eating lots of salad without liking it just to get a clean and fairer skin. But later on it becomes a habit and giving up becomes a uphill task.
        
              I don't know whether I love smoking or I hate. I'm in indecisive state but I know that this feelings of love and hatred comes to me simultaneously. Whenever I see someone smoking in any Hollywood movie I just run to the store and buy some then act like exactly the way it was being smoked by that superstar in that film. Before the flare starts to burn the butt of my cigarettes, I let it slip through my fingers..... and like a seemingly dramatic Hollywood movie slow motion sequence it floats down to my toes.
     
    When the time gets hard_______ When I'm all alone________ When I'm with friends_____ When I'm in college canteen________ When I'm hanging out with friends_________ When I remember her_______ When I feel like a looser_________ When I feel like a winner________ When I'm partying with friends_____ When I'm traveling to any place__________ I JUST LIGHT UP MY CIGARETTE.  

     Though I have tried my best to give up this habit but it seems impossible now.

 Someone has truthfully said "QUITTING CIGARETTES IS AN EASY TASK I HAVE DONE IT MANY TIMES". lOl ;) and I know as long as some bloody smoker friends are around me I'll not be able to give up this habit.These assholes never let me quit smoking.

 I still don't know why I smoke?? I might be loving it or might be hating it. Might be I hate it because that's why I burn it. I hate smoking as much I love it. I don't know whether I love more or I hate more.

I don't give a flying f**k about it's benefits or loss. I know I do it just to be cool.

 Smoking has benefited me in various ways. I come to meet up with many guys in college canteen, in mamu's shop and many other different SUTTA-POINTS.
    Am I passionate about cigarettes ??? I don't know..... Sometimes I feel pity on all those non-smokers especially my friends around me who are non-smokers. Sometimes I feel pity on all those who smoke regularly. I can't decide exactly to whom feel pity for. But this is leading to nowhere that's why I've decided to continue with smoking :-D                                                                               

I'm here in the field I fight for my meal

   'Survival of the fittest' we've been reading this in our science books but after coming out of my teen age to the youth I felt what it's like. Just after reading this first line, I know, you all are expecting some serious thing coming out of me, but as my friends say about me " this knuckle head is never gonna get serious" :)). I think I need to take some classes on becoming serious. One of my friend says about me that "I don't deserve to be taken along to any funeral Coz I can't control my laugh".
                               Damn what makes them all think that I'd be interested in going to a funeral with them. :) I'd rather be partying somewhere.

                 Life's kinda hard but everything I've been through made me strong and I learned from every
thing in my past. When we were young our parents shielded us with lots of negative energies, wanting to be positive reinforcements to be absorbed in our little minds, but our subconscious mind absorbed more negative things. It's the life which made me come out of that cage of negativity. It took a lot to come out of that shield. I tried real hard. If I would have continued with this negativity it would have more tougher to live in this world.

        As I am about to move out from my early twenties it's becoming more and more difficult to live this way. My family expects something from me yet I'm unemployed and still a burden on them. The reason for sitting here and not doing any work right now is for better future because I can't sacrifice my long future for present. Afterall the real question is 'who wins in the last'?

   I wanna do something in my life, get fame, and wanna give back all that to peoples who were always there with me and my family in our hard times. Still the hard times are yet to pass.
     I don't blame anyone for everything I have gone through I think that was my destiny and not only that I have seen many happiest moments in my life and I think more than anyone else. I am the most loved person and most hated person too at the same time. There are many persons who love me and that's the same reason for hating me by someone else. My life is moving on with these feeling mix type of feelings.

      No matter what happened to me last day I always woke up with good feelings and positivity in my thinking. A hope of better future always gives me energy to move on. This hopes keeps me alive, inspires me to fight for everything I deserve and I know I deserve better than this. I am the happiest person alive in this earth despite of all things which are happening with me, the reason being HOPE.
    That's why I suggest everyone out there "live in the present and hope for the future". This hope will never let you feel broken.

    Don't forget to fight (I'm not telling you to hit someone) for the things you want. Be ready for everything Coz anytime there'll be anyone who'll be ready to  throw you outta the game. So never blow any chance which comes to you, seize every opportunity. Help others which are around you but don't expect anything from them in back. It'll give you the greatest pleasure, may be you're not gonna get anything immediately nor any physical things or benefits but the mental satisfaction and gratification it will give you would be better than any happiness which is given by getting any physical things.

    So KEEP FIGHTING, never back down and be happy always. :-)

        

Takin this time out to APOLOGIZE

     This have been a good week so far, college classes are off that's why I have much time to do what I really wanna do . I've got so much time to think about my past, think about what I have done so far. As far as I can think i know that I have done many good things which can outreach some wrongdoings I've made. Still I want to apologize for the things which occurred in my past and have affected the people around me.

         So the first person I wanna apologize for is my mother.  She has gone through a lot just to make our (me and my siblings) future better still I didn't gave her much reasons to smile. I haven't done anything to please her yet. In fact I have brought tears into her eyes many times from my evil deeds. The only thing she hated very much is drinking Coz this was the cause of my father's death and I know what was going on into you when you saw me coming home drunk. Mommy I apologize for all the times I lied to you. I skipped my school classes to hang around with school friends and to smoke. Apologize for all the time I spent my fees for buying bunch of cigarettes and half a bottle of wine. Now I have reduced my all bad habits to a significant level.  But Mom I promise you someday you'll be proud of me..... 

    I apologize for the guy whose sister i was chasing down the street. I know what were you going through when you saw me chasing her.  But to tell you she was the one who smiled at me first and how was I to know that she was under-aged.
       
  I appologize for the guy who was beaten up by me very hard Becoz he complained about us to my freinds parents about something which I can't mention here.. ;) ( Offo don't think too much it's not what you're thinkin) :-D

  I know this is not going where I wanted it to go. The 2nd paragraph snatched away all my emotions and made me look funny instead of apologetic. lol..
        I can't be carried away by emotions..... sometimes i hate myself for that.  
   What I wanted to show and what I ended up writing.....     FUNNY ..isn't it???? :P

Happiness is just around the corner

Getting more richer, having more affairs  are those words with which happiness is synonymously used these days. Does anyone honestly think that making more money, consuming more stuff, driving a bigger car or bagging that fancy title will make them happier? But you need to stop and think about it again for a moment. You will realize that these things can't make us happy for longer.
 
Happiness is something which comes from your innermost. It's something I'm feeling these days and I've felt always except for some few lonely moments when I used to over-think.

Seems like many people consistently focus their time and energy on something that won't make them happy. They are doing this only because everyone around them are doing the same or someone is forcing them to do so. For instance, many guys choose their career as engineer, manager, doctor not because they want to be but because his best friend doing the same or because their parents are insisting them to do so.
            Is that's gonna make them more happier????
    The answer would obviously be  a straight NO...

Then what the hell that one should do??  Look, if you're expecting me to answer this question, I need to tell you that I'm not a fukin psychiatrist .... lOl !!!!
   Still I will tell you what I think about it , what I feel...
I feel we should do whatever we really want to do. Yeah I know that ..
"It's always easier said than done"
 But at least we can try....
But who knows that what the heck we wanna do in our life???

I know this is getting you to the confusing state. Let's just make it simpler. 
                     If someone asks our hobbies, most of us just say listening to music, dance and singing. Yeah these are our hobbies. But we do something different than  all our hobbies and this is the reason why we never feel any happiness in our work. First of all, we should know the things that make us happy. What gives me more pleasure??

Satisfaction is the key to happiness. But I think if this thing occupies everyone's mind in this world then there will be no scope for growth. That's why I think everything is important in our life, not only happiness but sadness as well.

Disasters and deep dissapointments are an inevitable part of our life. But bouncing back from these quickly from these state of mind is so important. My secret of happiness is 'not regretting whatever I've done in my past'. We have future to make it right. Be positive. Don't try to please everyone around. Yeah, this's what I used to do most of my times but at last that lead to nothing but dissapointments to my freinds as they were always expecting everything good from me which was not always possible.

 So I have learnt to please myself and not giving any shit about what others think of me. I don't worry about the consequences now while doing something which gives me pleasure. I am the one whom I will always make happy and not sacrifice my happiness for the sake of others.
   So don't worry if you're feeling sad .... Coz Happiness is just around the corner.


 

How I wish I could tell you ... :(

Tonight I'm feeling so lonely. I'm here because of You and I wish you'll know that every time that we spent together is the most happiest moment in my life even though we were not couple or in relationship. I wish one day you will realize that I am so in love with you and.....I Love You From The First Moment We Met And I Already Adore You Since That Day Come To My Life. I'm so happy every time we walk together no natter where we go you always smile at me and I want to spent my life with you until 'The Death Makes Us Apart'.

It was my fault that I thought you knew that I like you and never told you about my feelings..... Coz I was busy choosing the right words to tell you- you're always on my mind.
"I wish I could tell you"

My freinds always said to me... "Why don't you tell her you love her? You sound like a great guy and you shouldn't be scared to tell her you love her ... Sorry it's just that i can clearly see that you love her a lot and it's a shame ....you never told her"
Was telling her that much easy..???? Buddies.... I become so Numb in front of her. :(

I still don't know what made me think that you also liked me. I still believe that I was not wrong. The way you acted with me made everyone believe that something was going on with us. But what gone wrong..... Was it me or Was it you??? Did destiny played a cruel joke with my heart??................. This all made me torn apart.. :(

The memories of you still remained in my thoughts and they were so sweet that they brings smile on my lips and gentle tears in my eyes. Your smile still lingers in my memory. Your laughter still echoes in my soul. What remains is the love of purest form. I wish I could let go of emptiness I feel when I realize I won't be able to hold you or kiss you. I wish I could tell you how much you hurt me by doing what you did, and that I still cringe whenever I think about it.But still, I wish the best for you.

I wish I could tell you...... Atleast I would have kissed you goodbye..